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How are you?

No, I mean ‘How Are You, Really?’

How many times have you asked or been asked “How are you?”  today? How did you or they reply? ‘Good! ‘, ‘Great! ‘ or ‘Fine, thank you! ‘ is probably the most popular ‘model answer’. Wait a minute, are they always doing as good as they say or they are just pretending they are fine?

This pandemic had me thinking, people ask ‘How are you? ‘ all the time and it basically comes with part of the greeting. How many people actually care about how you are doing? ‘How are you‘ became a question without meaning and people answer without thinking. Regardless if you would want to share whether something exciting is happening or if you’re going through a bad day and you and you want someone to talk to, you probably won’t be bothered to speak it out. Simply because the people who are asking ‘How are you? ‘ don’t really want to know, and yes, this is kind of sad.

From my personal experience, I come from a culture where we ask ‘Have you eaten yet? ‘ (yes, if you are Asian you will understand), the phrases are used in a similar manner. So when I was first exposed to the ‘How are you?’ culture, I was really excited to talk about it because someone actually wanted to know how I am! There was one time, I was having a tough day, so I answered sincerely when I was asked ‘How are you? ‘ and went on to brief the person what was happening. I ended up getting an awkward face which you can tell they didn’t expect I would actually answer.

We can make someone feel different!

I don’t mean we should skip asking people ‘How are you? ‘, but maybe we could give a little bit more love and pick something you like about the person and say, ‘I love your style today! ‘, ‘Did you get your hair done? It looks really nice! ‘ or even ‘You look like you’re having a great day! ‘. Of course, it has to come from your heart, never say things just to please people. A little compliment could brighten up someone’s day more than you imagine. If you like something about someone, say it out loud! It doesn’t cost us a dime, but it can bring joy to others!

Next time we ask someone how are they doing and if they reply back with some details, try to ask a follow up question! If they say they not feeling well, instead of ‘Hope you feel better‘, try ‘ Can I bring you a glass of water? ‘. If they share exciting news, instead of just ‘I’m so happy for you! ‘, try ‘How are you celebrating it? ‘. Something to show your interest in the conversation, people will always appreciate it if you are actually listening and more important – YOU DO CARE!

texting

Don’t double-tap for the heart, type it out!

With the pandemic this year, we are all suffering at different points. Either physical health issues, financial problems, mental health, etc. Some of us don’t want to bother others so we keep it to ourselves, some of us don’t think others will understand, or some of us really want to let it out, but we just can’t find someone who is willing to listen.

If we just do a little bit more, give a little bit more attention to the people around us (family, friends, colleagues or even the barista you go to), we could make the world different. Social media is easy to catch up on and see what people are doing, but it’s not personal contact and you never know how the people are actually feeling behind their phones. A double-tap on their Instagram pictures don’t really mean anything, send a message to a friend you haven’t been able to see and check on them. Even just a message ‘I hope you are doing well ‘ to remind them you are thinking of them.

Take a few minutes in a day and truly connect with people, simply just a phone call or a personal text. With all the restrictions this year I believe we are all looking forward to and appreciate having some real connections with someone.

Read my previous blog post: What are your MAGICAL ABILITIES? How to awaken it?

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